Conflicts happen in relationships. That is a normal part of life that everyone has difficulty with at times. But if controlling your temper is something you often struggle with, then try these ideas to see if they can help you.
- Ask A Professional For Some Personal Advice
Before even discussing how to control your temper in a specific situation, it's important to examine yourself honestly. If you're finding that anger management is an ongoing struggle -something that has damaged relationships in the past and even led to violence or legal consequences, then there is no shame in admitting to yourself that you are having a real problem. Once you can admit this to yourself, then it will also be easier to talk about it with someone else. There may be several factors that are contributing to your anger issues, and a professional can help. Some of these factors may actually be out of your control, and there may be counseling or treatment options available that can help you. Perhaps individual and couples' counseling sessions can help. Or maybe even substance abuse counseling will prove to be valuable. If you are struggling with any kind of addiction, then you might seriously want to consider inpatient drug rehab. There are countless stories of regular people who found that recovery from drug to be essential for them to get a grip on their anger issues and control their tempers.
- Temporarily Remove Yourself From The Situation
So what should you do in a specific situation that is causing your temper to flare? The very first thing you need to do when your blood begins to boil is to get out of there. Physically remove yourself from the situation that is causing you to stress out and lose your temper. Excuse yourself as politely as you can, and don't wait around for a response. Get up and go for a walk. That might seem rude to some people, but the truth is that things are going to get a whole lot worse if you stick around.
- Calm Down First, Then Think Things Through
Now that you've calmed down a bit, it's time to think about this. What is causing the frustration here? Is the other person being totally evil? Do they think they are right? Why? Are they preaching to you or are you preaching to them? Is it possible that there is a misunderstanding here? Why does the other person see this situation differently than you do? These are the kinds of questions to think through before engaging the other person to resolve the conflict. Remember: don't act first, and don't speak first. First calm down and try to think about the situation from both sides.
- Return To The Situation And Address It
Once you've calmed down and thought about the problem, then it's time to return to the situation and discuss things with the other person. It's important to have a goal before saying a single word. What is your goal? Is your goal to win? That might be the right goal, but if "winning" the argument puts your relationship at risk, then you might need to rethink your goal. Sometimes, especially in friendships and family relationships, the goal should not be to win the argument but to improve the relationship. To do that, there needs to be some empathy and compromise. You give a little; and the other person gives back too. That's how you build a relationship.
- Use Relaxation Techniques Daily
While it's important to deal with immediate conflicts properly, you'll find that controlling your temper becomes easier if you work on it every single day. Not just on those days when you're embroiled in an argument, but on the good days too. Relaxation techniques like breathing exercises, meditation, and prayer can help immensely when practiced as part of a daily routine, because their benefits do not often materialize immediately.
- Exercise Daily
Exercising every day is also a fantastic way to improve your ability to stay calm in tense situations, as exercise physically removes stress from your body, regulates stress hormones, and promotes emotional stability.